Dealing with Disappointment
Life is full of disappointments.
If you have managed to live your life without any, you have probably never taken risks. I get that. Some people are naturally risk averse; but there is a difference between being risk averse and risk aware. They both relate to how you perceive and respond to risk but they represent different mindsets and behaviours.
Being Risk Averse
You avoid risk wherever possible; even if potential gain is substantial
The voice in your head is saying “better safe than sorry”
Failures result in giving up
Awareness of Risk
You recognise and understand the risks involved but don't avoid them, but rather evaluate them and manage them
The voice in your head is saying “know the risks, plan for them and then proceed”
Failures are learnt from enabling you to adapt and move forward
“You don’t learn to walk by following rules. You learn by doing, and by falling over.”
Richard Branson (Founder of Virgin Group)
I have taken many risks in life and business, and had to deal with failure and disappointment many times over.
My biggest failures have been when I have put trust in other people. I have been let down, deliberately misled and worse, yet my natural instinct is still to remain open and trusting to others (maybe with a little bit of scepticism thrown in!) This has happened in business and in love.
Business - I had a business partner who deliberately fed me with false information resulting in large personal financial loss and threats from the bank due to a joint and several guarantee. I was called as a prosecution witness at trial but the case was dropped due to a crucial witness pulling out.
Love - I have been a victim of an online dating scam, leading to financial loss and emotional trauma. I appeared as a witness and was cross examined by the defendant himself. I was one of many victims and he went to prison.
But I have picked myself up again both in business and in love ♥️
So how do you deal with disappointment strategically?
👉 It’s about going beyond just coping emotionally.
👉 It’s about turning a setback into a structured opportunity for learning and better decisions
👉 It’s about building resilience and a strategic mindset.
Acknowledge it and take time to reflect on what specifically caused the disappointment
Diagnose the root cause, separating symptoms from core issues - think about why the failure occurred
What lessons were learnt; that can be used in future plans
Reframe the narrative as in it’s not “I failed” but “I have learned”
Adjust strategy, not just goals - use lessons learned to change your approach
Recommit with better tools - apply what you have learnt, building in better processes and
avoiding unnecessary risks
Track progress and stay adaptive - compare what you are doing with what you have done in the past & be willing to repivot if needed
Managing Emotions
As a woman we do tend to show our emotions more due to a mixture of biological, social and cultural factors. I have certainly had times when I have found it very hard to keep my emotions in check.
Disappointment hits hard; but how you react can do even more damage. It is important to understand it but not dwell on it in order to gain perspective and more forward constructively. I have always found taking time away from the work environment, ideally outside helps me think and take back control of my emotions.
There is nothing like a fast walk; and this is backed by science. Yoga breathing is also great as you can do it anywhere - I used it once on a crowded undergound train when running late for a meeting.
The following 5 points are generated by AI and explain the benefits of physical activity:
🧠 1. Triggers Endorphin Release - Brisk walking increases your heart rate and circulation, which leads to the release of endorphins—natural chemicals in the brain that improve mood and reduce stress.
🧘 2. Reduces Cortisol Levels - Physical activity, including walking, helps lower cortisol, the body's primary stress hormone. Less cortisol = less physical tension and mental anxiety.
🌀 3. Interrupts Stress Loops - When you're stressed, your mind tends to spiral into repetitive, negative thoughts. Walking—especially at a brisk pace—can break this cycle by shifting your focus to physical movement and breathing.
🌿 4. Improves Sleep and Mental Clarity - Regular fast walking, especially outdoors, improves sleep quality and cognitive function, both of which are undermined by chronic stress.
🏞️ 5. Boosts Mood Through Environment - If you're walking outside, especially in a green space or natural setting, the benefits multiply. Nature exposure itself reduces stress and anxiety—a concept known as “ecotherapy.”
AND walking costs nothing!
Getting back in the saddle
I have done this literally having fallen off a horse a few times in my life; but it hasn’t put me off horse riding (though I do avoid the jumps and gallops these days!) Getting back on a horse after falling off is crucial as the longer you put it off, the harder it gets.
The same goes for your business. Starting a business is very challenging and growing a business even more so. Mistakes are inevitable. They can not be avoided. What is important is how you deal with them. This is often when that little voice in your head gets going - all the negatives and self doubt. But when you expect mistakes, (after all they are inevitable) prepare for them and accept them, everything changes.
Reboot your confidence
Put things in perspective. A big disappointment can make us forget our past successes, so take some time to reflect on these achievements. Were they realistic? Should you redefine what success looks like for you? Think about times when you have recovered from disappointment in the past - this is proof that you will recover your confidence.
Next, take positive steps forward with a few achievable tasks and celebrate those small wins. And don’t forget to be kind to yourself.
Follow the Confidence Reboot Formula:
Feel → Reframe → Take Small Action → Self-Coach → Reflect → Reset
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