Managing Difficult People
🙋♀️ Do you have clients/customers?
🙋♀️ Do you have suppliers?
🙋♀️ Do you have business partners?
🙋♀️ Do you have freelancers or employees?.
All of these humans are different. They are motivated differently, they work differently, they have different levels of experience; skill sets; personalities and confidence levels.
So no surprise that managing them can be challenging at times.
Often when we perceive people as being difficult, it is because we don’t understand their differences. We view them through our own perspective, based on what we think, feel and believe.
Selling to Clients
I used to work in sales. I was selling hotel space to incoming tour operators; i.e. companies that were selling the UK as a destination overseas. This was before the days of the internet when you could easily book directly online. The sales process often involved several businesses: the hotel, a local agent, a UK based agent and a UK based tour operator. Each added their own mark up. My job was to sell hotel space in the UK to the middle “man” who could be UK or overseas based.
I joined with no sales training; starting at the bottom as a Sales Coordinator and moving up to Sales Executive and then Group Sales Manager. The main thing I learnt was the importance of building relationships. Good communication skills are key - speaking, active listening and non-verbal communication.
People work with people they know, like and trust.
I had some tough clients; and learnt the skills of negotiation as I went along. In my early days I had to deal with some difficult people who took advantage of my youth, my sex and my lack of experience. But I didn’t let this hold me back.
I learnt the importance of:
💥 Staying calm and composed
💥 Listening without interrupting
💥 Not taking things personally
💥 AND when to walk away!
Buying from suppliers
I moved from selling to tour operators to buying from hotels. Oh I thought this would be so much easier. It wasn’t!
I remember one of my first contracting trips was to Venice. I did my research, and I booked my appointments. All of the hotel owners were happy to meet me and show me around their hotel. But when it came to negotiating a rate, there was no negotiation. They didn’t need my business!
Of course with overseas negotiations, there are many other aspects to consider - language, cultural differences, currency (this was pre euro) , quality/standard expectation and legal differences. What remains important across most cultural divides is self confidence and a big smile (handshakes less so as I learnt when I went to Japan!)
Developing a High Performance Team
I do a lot of networking and meet many business owners who remain as solopreneurs. They like having their hand in all parts of the business. They like the doing, the feeling busy, the control.
When I dig a bit deeper, I sometimes find that their reasoning is more complex than this. In fact there are some parts of their work that they don’t really enjoy and are not that good at; yet don’t often admit this; feelIng they should be good at everything in their business. And others have tried recruiting or outsourcing work and have found they have become frustrated. They can’t find the right people.
What they want are people who get their vision, will follow their strategy and go that extra mile. People they can trust who are as excited as they are about achieving those goals;
Building Trust as a Leader
Building your team is a big step, I get that and there are bound to be mistakes along the way, but it is one that you need to take to grow your business. It will be challenging but it will be worth it when you see your business grow and your team developing and learning new skills.
I first started recruiting and managing people when I was employed. I had no training and went on gut instinct. This was tough when I was reporting to someone with even less experience than me in management (it was a family business) so I muddled through, did a pretty good job and remained friends with the two people I employed. I always felt I wasn’t doing it right though, that I was too nice!
When I made my next career move, it was a big step up. After recruiting my first few staff into what was a brand new operation I asked my boss for some leadership training. I learnt so much, but also found that I did have natural leadership skills; they just needed to be honed..
The hardest part of managing others was having conversations with people who were not delivering, either due to their lack of skills (relatively easy to rectify) or their attitude (much harder to rectify). Of course if I had been more skilled at the interview stage this situation would not have happened.
Managing Difficult Conversations with Employees
My first difficult conversation was with a lady I will call Nicola. She came across really well in the interview. She was positive, enthusiastic and had the right kind of experience. I later realised she was someone who was very emotional - and while some of this was good, some of it was not so. She had very strong views on certain things and was very happy to share them; which often had a negative effect on the rest of the team.
This led to some tough conversations. She had a very high opinion of herself and felt a pay rise was in order. I did not agree! When she asked for a meeting, I guessed what was coming so I was prepared. I didn’t want to loose her as she was very good at negotiating with suppliers but I couldn’t increase her pay.
Preparation was key. I needed to be specific about what she was doing well and where I felt there were areas for improvement. I ensured I had examples to share. I also needed to be clear on what changes needed to be made going forwards. It was important to meet in a private space; and start with open questions to establish how she felt. Sometimes we can make assumptions.
The method I had learnt on my leadership training course was the Praise Sandwich where constructive criticism is placed between two positive statements:
Positive feedback
What is she doing well and is good at?
Constructive criticism
State the issue clearly, be direct and professional using I statements and listen actively
Encouragement
Find common ground and end with a positive and a way to move forward
However, I have found that this isn’t always appropriate. It very much depends on the situation and the person involved.
In this case where she was specifically asking for a pay increase, I started by asking what made her feel that she should have an increase and asked about her achievements or the additional responsibilities she had taken on since starting.
I then provided a clear response around the sales results and her specific KPI’s and what she needed to do in order to move to a level where her salary could be increased. I clarified whether she was just looking for money or wanted more responsibility or to develop new skills
So it is how you manage the other person's reactions that is key. It is important to stay open to feedback even if you disagree and acknowledge what they are saying. If they react emotionally which was certainly the case in the situation, remain calm and bring the conversation back to the facts. If necessary, if it gets very emotional and unproductive, suggest arranging to meet again the next day.
At the end of the meeting:
1️⃣ Ensure that you are agreed on the way forwards
2️⃣ Document key takeaways
3️⃣ And monitor progress
In retrospect, I could have handled this conversation much better; though with all the preparation in the world you still have to think on your feet!
She stayed and eventually did get a pay increase and remained a challenging member of my team; but sometimes we need to be challenged as it help us to improve our own leadership skills..
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